Hello Readers, Its been a big weekend, as I write I am watching Eurosport on the evening after The opening ceremony. I watched some of The opening ceremony earlier with Ellie, my seven year old daughter, and tried to explain to her what this meant. The hundreds of thousands in the stadium, the millions watching from around the world, and just who was there stood with the countries flags (Misty May was who I told her was in the stadium) and just how good it must feel to be there. I cried today. For what might have been in Sydney 2000. I cried a lot then, for about 48 hours solid sympathy from those around me just brought it out. I remember seeing Mo Glover on the coach back from the Da Lian Beach Volleyball venue, after both GBR teams had been knocked out of the top 24 Olympic Rankings. I went to speak to her and she just shook her head. In that shake I knew what she meant. For Audrey Cooper and Mo Glover, who had been to Atlanta and had been ranked as high as 15th at the start of 2000, finishing 26th in the Olympic Qualification at the end of the 2000 qualifying period must have been devastating after everyone felt they were a dead cert,with their 9th place finish in the World Championships in Marseille in 1999. Not only was it the highest (and still is) place finish for any GBR team at the WC but importantly it was double points towards their Olympics ranking. It allowed them to be in the main draw for all of 2000, which any bottom feeder qualification team will tell you is exactly where they want to be.Yet still it wasnt enough.
And for us? We didnt do enough either. Monique Oliver and I had a real roller coaster ride having to play the qualifers for all but the last two events of the qualifying period over two years. We finished 25th. 24 teams went to Sydney. As Ellie said today when I tried to explain the story to her for the first time,"so you finished last." Well yes Ellie we did, we were the last team or the first team to not qualify, depends on how you look at it, but not qualify is what happened. Financially if I could have gone into debt, not worried about it, then maybe the tension which I felt about our financial situation might have not been there? The difficulty that I felt it caused between us and probably the rows which we had might have been less than they were. I often think when I am trying to put some of the burden on to someone else, If only Monique could have borrowed the money from someone else! It might have been a good idea to keep our relationship on a par rather than me having to keep a ledger of just how much she still owed me. In both seasons, I bought virtually all our flights on my visa card and had to mark off the money as it was eventually re-paid to me. But now, when time has gone by the $5000 she owed me isnt that much, but then it seemed such a large amount. Ask Julia Stevens and Paula Snow, when they found me at Gatwick in tears literaly seconds after the check in desk said I had to pay £20 for my excess baggage as it was only 15kg on that particular flight and not the usual 20kg.(Both Julia and Paula had under 15kgs and they said could I put the weight onto theirs, which I was able to) At that point and thats another story but my visa card had bounced because the $3,000 dollars which Monique was supposed to transfer into my account had not been transfered and in the 3 weeks she had spent the money so couldnt give it to me at all.
But without her carelessness about money I wouldnt have been in the situation where I almost made it to the Olympics, without any funding. She was the catalyst which put me in the mix. I look back and although I can still cry for what might have been I can still smile with pride at what was. 18 tournaments in two years. I am going to list the places because unless you see it written down you dont really get it. Canada, Germany, France, Portugal, Japan, China, Brazil, Brazil, Mexico, Italy, Canada, Switzerland, USA, Germany, France, Portugal, Japan and China. All the taxis, flights, hotels and food paid for from our own pocket. No coach. No BVF. Only Us. and although it was hard and for both of us probably the worst experience when we didnt qualify and that never goes away, it was also the best. All the years which have passed since then have given me the motivation to give all I learnt to those that have come on since. My advise go into debt it will be less than either of the GBR teams before you and will be money well spent.
And for those GBR volleyball players in all disciplines, who have been taken to Beijing on the Olympic Ambition Programme, to experience the Olympics and to give you motivation for 2012, And for all those GBR volleyball players, in all disciplines, who are at home, or on the road somewhere,watching aiming for 2012. Watch, wish you will be at the next one, But work for the next 1500+ days. Everything you do from this day, this moment to the closing ceremony of 2012 will tell you so much about yourself. I know where I failed. If I can pass on any 'wisdom' which at 40 I am allowed to say I might have a little is this; Have no regrets about what you gave to YOUR OLYMPIC BID, because have no doubt about this there are no guarantees.
If you can say you HELD BACK or DIDNT DO WHAT YOU KNOW TO BE THE RIGHT DECISION at any point be it in; your own financial commitment,"what did I spend my money on that the BVF gave me?" do I own my own video camera? My own top of the range tripod, with various attachements which can attach it to the rails. Have I got the best ice bag? Have I got the best TENS machine on tour with me? You know the Man U players have got them!Did I really need the new Oakley shorts and the new Hugg boots rather than buy the things that would have made me a better beach volleyball player? Did I put in 100% effort everytime someone created an opportunity for me to learn? Did I really think that the discipline I showed was professional enough and better than my peers to take me to the Olympics? Was my attention and concentration to details, eating nothing that was not productive to My Olympics Bid? Was I 100% punctual, did I turn up early instead of being just that little bit on time, or late, just a little too often. Did I truely believe and appreciate those around me, who stood with me on the court, who strove to try to get both of you there? Did I trust that they wanted and would work just as hard as me? If not did I ask that we make sure we both commited to attaining the same goals or did I give up too easliy?Did I ask hard questions of myself and them? Did I even think to communicate properly and effectively through good working pratices what I was committed to achieving and that no matter what, I would work as hard as I could to achieve that goal? Did I do the paperwork? The scouting? The self reflection and goal setting? Did I check that I was working to my plan and setting goals regularly and achiveing them? Did I plan and arrange meetings with my coach, my partner, my physio, my sports pshche regularly and really do as they said? Or was I just saying what they wanted to hear and then not do what I said I would? Did we have a team agreement? Did I have a player contract to my partner, my coach, my sports psyche, my nutrionist, written or verbal that said this is what I will do within all my human power to achieve what you have said you would do? Was I honest about my effort?
I would have liked to have wrapped my 'wisdom' into one neat and tidy phrase which will stay with you until the day when you get given your GBR Olympic tracksuit, that marks you as an Olympian. But there are no easy routes to get that tracksuit. Think about that day and think about not living that day and which day do you want?
If you think that in a whole life of 100 years there are 36,500 days. that the next 1500 days is approx. 4% of your life. For yourself and for the partner that achieves it with you, make a commitment that every breath you take for those 1500 days will take you one breath closer to breathing in, in real life that opening ceremony.
Enjoy the games.
Denise x.